I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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