My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
