I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
