Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
