Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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