When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
