What did we do last night that was yellow?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize