I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
