Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
