it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
