So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
