Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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