Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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