Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
