if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
