I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
