Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
