I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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