i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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