I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
