Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
