he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
