people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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