Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
