When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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