Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
