dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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