That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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