I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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