oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
