i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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