i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im holly from the hills drunk
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
