i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You are the jesus of drinking
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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