coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
