It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
