dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
only if we run a train.
done.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
