My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
