I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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