fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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