Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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