my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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