i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
