i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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