i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There was a lot of him and a little penis
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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