You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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