I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
