Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
