I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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