I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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