I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
