the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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