so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
