I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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