Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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