She is in my trunk
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
