Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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