I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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