there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
