so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
