remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
