I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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