Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
