you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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