Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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