dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My vagina just recognized that song.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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